Don't let fear keep you from the life and love you desire ...
The concept of connection has been top of mind for some time now. The idea sparked post therapy, journaling and a long and thoughtful nap. I'd like to think we all do our best to connect with others, and when that doesn't happen, I’m learning to be consistently curious about why that is.
I‘m curious about questions like ... "What builds lasting relationships? What builds soulful connection? What fortifies the bonds that hold relationships together over time?" Before diving into what makes successful partnership, platonic, romantic or professional, I started where I was. I started by learning what was keeping me from the kind of relationships I wanted. My fear of abandonment, and PTSD were expressing themselves in ways that were keeping me isolated and afraid of trusting other people. For the last 10 years, trauma therapy has felt like living in between the reality of my fears and the reality of the life I want to live… Like living between Love and Fear.
Now, saying I'm grateful for my experiences feels like a miracle, and a bit of an understatement. I more so feel grateful, blessed & favored. I'm not grateful for experiencing trauma, no person deserves to be hurt by another. I'm grateful that I haven't let that trauma consume me. Instead, I've learned what it means to fully exist as myself while creating space for others to do the same. I've learned that love is my healing super power and that I'm stronger than I can imagine.
It takes soul work to lift the weight of trauma off. And, it takes continuous mind and heart work to remain at peace and in control of your mental and emotional health as you heal. Therapy will always be a place of safety and the support of family and friends will forever be monumental. As I continue to make more space for myself and the things I need to remain in a space of love, I’m reminded of something my Mum always says, “No Man is an Island. You don't have to do things alone”. Support isn't always easy to find, but it exists. In the moments I don't feel all the way worthy of support, I've found these affirmations helpful.
Remember your Strength. Love can be soft and fiery too. Strength doesn't disqualify you from support and care.
I am strong and soft
My love is caring and nurturing, but also loves to be cared for and nurtured
I deserve a soft existence, I practice existing in this vibration with grace and empathy for myself and others
I am strong enough to express kindness and gratitude even when I don't feel like doing so
Each experience and encounter with other people teaches us about ourselves. Someone cool I’ll probably tell you about later said to me , "we learn ourselves through other people", and I believe that’s oh so true.
So what has my experience with others taught me about Me?
I love that my mind thinks about things in different ways, but that doesn't disconnect me from others and the collective consciousness
Sometimes, I feel scared when people attempt to get close. Past experiences have defined love as equal to control. Awareness of this means I can step into relationships and experiences without this fear holding me back and I can love on people the way I want to
I love to love expressively
I set boundaries with grace
I’m still learning to be open to support because I realize that a human experience is a connected experience
In my search for safe spaces, community, and balance in relationships, I’ve learned that two things can be true at once. The experiences we desire and the moments unfolding now are both real. We have to make space for the emotions that come as we manifest and evolve in each reality. Life presents variability and requires context, this is a good opportunity to be curious about how life unfolds as you honor yourself and make space for others. Experiences don’t set life in stone, and nothing is ever black and white. Life is spread over a rainbow bridge of nuance, enjoying the process of how things balance out is part of the joy of life.
Now moving higher and deeper into alignment with my work and in my relationships, I’m grateful for all the experiences that have been, and those to come. I’ve learned the fundamental wisdom of forgiveness and letting go. I’ve learned that sharing, connecting and teaching are points of extreme joy and community for me. I've learned that I have more to learn as a leader and teacher. I’ve learned to love a new kind of grind, one infused with fun, excitement and joy. I’ve remembered the adrenaline rush that comes with being self starting, future thinking and problem solving, for myself and the people I serve.
When life feels wild and untethered The Universe has the uncanny ability to show us where we need to be, all we have to do is pay attention to Love. Giving myself time to remember what Love feels like for me means I can step into loving experiences without fear of the past holding me back. So, ask yourself "what does love feel like to me?" then, go there. Don't let fear keep you from the love and life you want.
Photography by Nathaniel Swinson.
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