It's easier said than done, but it can be done.
Some things I've learned about myself, how I communicate, and the things that scare me:
People scare me. I have been hiding from the world and lashing out or retreating when I am triggered and feel unsafe
My fear of people doesn't mean that I can't cultivate healthy and safe connections with them
My urge to be overly nice to people is a trauma response. I fear being struck, assaulted (verbally or emotionally), or abandoned if I don't express niceness
My connections with people so far, platonic, entrepreneurial, and romantic, have been fear based
My triggers have been expressing hurtful and harmful reactions in moments where I feel unsafe. I’ve given PTSD too much space in my life
It has been possible for people to manipulate me in certain situations because I have been fearful
I can forgive myself for the things I did not know
I can jump into challenging connections by assessing and acknowledging the challenge in a connection. I can acknowledge how I feel about it and then decide how I wish to proceed in action
I don't need to be pressured into doing anything. I can do things based off of longing and interest and not out of fear of loss or failure
I can change how I behave by changing how I think about situations. I can shift my feelings and elevate my responses by shifting and elevating my thoughts
The Hopeful Part
Learning to give and receive information again is all well and good. But, when do we apply all of this remembered information? Here, and now. Especially in moments and conversations that feel overwhelming or ‘big’. Accept that there will be some bumps in the road of connecting with people as this is a learning experience for your mind and new emotional culture. Now that you are fully aware of where you are mentally and emotionally, it’s best to accept that things will be a bit difficult before they become easy. That is okay. As you engage with others and learn how to connect in healthier and clearer ways there will be refinement and evolution of self, self talk, and the way you speak with others. True healing and trauma recovery lives in the work we actively do to change the ways we think and the ways we connect with others. Don’t be afraid to make new connections and reconnect with old ones in mutually safe and uplifting ways.
Always with Love and Light
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