Confidence. How does it work? What does it look like? What does it feel like?
Confidence is energy. Just like aura, use it, cleanse it, or the connection to it weakens. Most importantly, you gotta flex that thang! See how it moves and works in different spaces and situations. Sometimes that means doing things that are considered “outside of the box”. But, challenge yourself - Dare to be bold, and dare to speak your heart. Dare to be the realest version of you, and confidently share that with the world.
When my Mum found out I was working Nude with photographers, she was less than pleased. She’s a traditional Zambian Mother, so I can understand why she felt as though my work was shameful and something she hoped wasn’t “ruining my life”. Her fears and doubts, although understandable, only made things difficult for me, compounding on my own fears and doubts. I was scared and definitely felt degrees of shame while doing my work at certain times, not a healthy creative environment. Fortunately, I didn’t let that stop me. I remembered the wisdom of my spirit mother, Naomi Campbell, who said “do for you, and do it well.” I remembered that my mother’s personal opinion was one of many, many of which actually supported me, no matter how scared they were for me.
I continued to create, working with more photographers, getting to know more people, and eventually I started getting recognition for my work. After some time of pouring life energy and pure passion into creating content for my personal portfolio, I started getting questions from other female bodies about Modeling Nude. They had questions about my “confidence level”. I was getting messages like, “Hey! I love your photos, but how do you model absolutely naked and make it look so effortless? I’d be scared to show EVERYTHING”.
Shot by Yogi the Shooter & CreatedEql
The truth is, it may have looked effortless but it absolutely took everything in me to not squeal and cover every inch of myself. My insecurities and self limiting beliefs screaming louder in my head with every different pose. “You look like a twig”, “I hope you’re having a good time embarrassing yourself, and your family”, “business women don’t act like this”, “this is what you call modeling?”... blah blah blah. I had to learn to shut that noise down and out. I had to learn to tune out the rest of the worlds opinions about what I should be doing, and what’s “proper.” My family and friends were completely judging me at this point, something had to give. In a choice between Me and them, I chose Me.
I built my self support by being my own champion. I big myself up, I let others help me when they can, I rest when I need to, and most of all, I lean on the wisdom of my intuition. There’s a “not moved by fear” voice that everyone has. I feel mine deeply in my stomach when a decision needs to made about how to act, move, or move on. Mine feels like a deep desire to reconcile conflict in a way that brings the most clarity for all. Clarity means everyone has everything they need to understand and deal with a situation. Usually people’s opinions about things have nothing to do with you and everything to do with what they think and believe about themselves.
Another part of building my confidence muscle involved learning my emotions, my triggers, and my responses to triggers. Learning about emotional triggers gave me the awareness and space to create healthier actions and habits around “heavy” or otherwise “unprocessed”emotions. I stopped doing things for emotional reasons and started acting like I had some sense, for lack of a better term.
I’ve met a lot of interesting people while creating nude art. I’ve met people who’ve inspired me to think differently, and people who’ve shown me that I can trust my intuition the first time. I’ve had experiences that’ve been extremely unique, sometimes dangerous, but absolutely exhilarating. I’ve met powerful men and women who taught me that confidence is not only a mind state, it’s an energy, a presence, a sense of knowing that you are completely fine as is. No matter what may be happening externally, you’re in control of you. I’ve learned by watching, listening, copying and pasting what works for me, and leaving the rest.
Now I ask myself... How can I show my world that I’m proud of my confidence, how do I show my world how to achieve this kind of transformative confidence and grounding? How do I help more people, because I see the level of healing and openness I’ve brought to experiences, simply by being Me? I respect and honour all the relationships born from doing this work and value the sacredness of our intimate connections. I hope to help people understand the respect and honour needed to hold space for such expressions of raw beauty, a wonderfully miraculous thing to behold, and be inspired by.
Shot by AKEM Photography & Yogi the Shooter
After 5 years of modeling Nude, while also modelling professionally, and working full time, I’ve built a network of photography, branding & marketing, art direction, and business clients that value a unique brand of charisma, attention to detail, and dedication. Instead of bulking under the weight of my mother’s disapproval, I’ve followed my desires in a healthy, grounded and sometimes patient way (growing in patience a bit more everyday). I’ve found a magical life and purpose.
The magic for me was the beauty of understanding my reason for existing, by taking some time to learn myself in a different way. Purpose comes from pushing past a comfort zone, and wanting to share a higher level of awareness and understanding with my world. I’ve built a community and business that helps people express themselves authentically, compassionately, and with intention. I’ve also built an unwavering support system. All I knew when I started is that I wanted to be more confident. I followed my intuition, asked for help when it was safe to do so, and the universe did the rest ✨
Ever Grateful,
Xx
M
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